...What Not to Eat at Work

In this new economy that has even the big spenders being a little more careful with their hard earned money more people are considering ways to stretch their dollars just a little further. One of the simplest and most practical ways to save is to pack a lunch.


Some of the novices at lunch packing literally try the sack lunch. Normally this consists of a sandwich, bag of chips, piece of fruit (or similar healthy snack) and a juice or soda. There's nothing wrong with this lunch and may in fact be quite enjoyable for some. I however, was never much of a cold cut sandwich type. Even if making a sandwich at home, my salami has to be fried before I consider it an acceptable sandwich component.


Since I do quite a bit of cooking I'd much rather bring leftovers. Since there are only 6 women at this branch of the company I work for, it seems a pretty safe bet that the wives and significant others of the men are making an attempt to help their special men have special lunch times. This explains the new break room phenomena.

I've noticed a surge of containers in the break room refrigerator that was once pretty close to a barren wasteland. Not all of the contents are readily identifiable but between the hours of 11 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. some, uh, interesting aromas have started filling the halls of my hallowed workspace.


Since I'm only 1 door down the hall from the aforementioned break room, I've contemplated posting a list of rules and regs for what is and is not an acceptable meat or vegetable to bring into a shared lunchroom environment. Just off the top of my head are some guidelines for how best to enjoy your lunch without offending the delicate sensibilities of your co-workers. How's this sample posting for a relaxing lunch for all?

Break Room Rules

1. Any kind of fish, esp. raw tuna, is strictly prohibited!
2. Only you know your tolerance to certain foods. If you have adverse reactions to known foods then please refrain for indulging in said foods during working hours.
3. The only acceptable form of cabbage in the workplace is in cole slaw. Otherwise please do not bring this vegetable onto the premises.
4. Chitterlings are NEVER an acceptable option and the smell is not masked by an entire bottle of hot sauce or Tabasco contrary to popular belief. This is especially true during the holiday season.
5. On the subject of the holiday season, alcohol and foods heavily laced with alcohol are strictly prohibited on the premises. If your religious beliefs call for you to indulge in these dishes then please consider using your vacation time to practice these beliefs in the sanctity of your own home with the ones you love.
6. Unless you will be retiring to a private office with a door, it would be poor etiquette to indulge in any food that specifically calls for sucking and slurping of bones and/or licking of fingers, i.e. pork bones or oxtails.

Due to the various ethnicities of our work environment this list merely serves as a guideline and is in no way intended to be an exhaustive list of what would be offensive and hence banned from the work place. Please use your discretion when packing lunches.

Also, please note that there are not enough microwaves to assign to each member of our team. Once you begin the heating process DO NOT wander off and leave your food unattended. Management will not be held responsible should your food be discarded as waste or tampered with. You return to eat at your own risk.

Please remove any leftover foods from the refrigerator every Friday. Each Friday the refrigerator is cleaned out by the janitorial staff and they have been instructed to discard all food stuffs with the exception of properly stored condiments. This includes Tupperware, GladWare and any other storage systems used to store your meals. Management is not responsible for storage containers left in refrigerator after 5 p.m. on Fridays.

Thank you and bon appetite!